


leo and donnie get absolutely shitfaced

by artificialgeese



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: FUCK, Gen, Underage Drinking, bri ish accents luv, brothers getting wasted because they lowkey have no friends, but in a funky fresh way, i dont know how to fucking write, leo is gay, no beta we die, putting the disaster in disaster twins, tcest dont touch, the twins are best friends, this is out of character i think i dont even know, this is so cringe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialgeese/pseuds/artificialgeese
Summary: It was Leo's idea which means it wasn't a good one.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 82





	leo and donnie get absolutely shitfaced

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiii my twitter is uhgoose and im insta artificalgeese lolololl

“Deedee!” Leo calls, footsteps echoing throughout the lair. He’s at the door to Donnie’s room now, plastic bags in tow “I gotsa da snacks.”

Donnie does not look up from his coding because it’s _semi_ -important and he also doesn’t want to engage in Leo’s bullshit. His attempt goes ignored as Leo throws a bag of Swedish Fish at his face, knocking off his glasses. “Thanks.”

“You’re so welcome,” Leo sings back. “Also,” he rummages through the plastic, pulling out a bottle, “Look what Leon’s got.”

Donnie grabs his glasses from the floor and puts them back on. “Wait-” he says squinting at the bottle, “Lemme see that.” Leo tosses the very large, glass container across the room. Donnie jumps off his bed, attempting to catch it before it shatters on the floor. “Can you maybe _not_ throw glass bottles in my room?”

“No.”

He rolls his eyes before studying the bottle. It’s obnoxiously colored and looks like something that you’d find in a frat boy’s closet. “Dude-” he says, turning it in his hands and squinting at the fine print detailing that the contents are in fact 80 proof, “How did you get this?”

“Finesse.”

“Just say you shoplifted a bodega.”

“I would _never_ ,” Leo gasps. Donnie squints at him, and Leo shrinks into himself a bit. “Ok so I might’ve lied and said I was a NYU student,” he says, throwing his hands up, “ _But_ , I had my medical mask on and the dude didn’t even card me! Like, he didn’t even look at my face and ask why I was green. He literally didn’t care.”

“Ok so,” Donnie says, placing the bottle on his bedside, “What’re you planning on doing with it?”

“You’re the smart one, do the math.”

“So you’re doing this alone? That’s a little sad. And concerning. A bit of both, truthfully.”

“No, obviously not-” Leo starts.

“So then who are you planning to join you? Mike would _not_ mix well with this and it’d be a solid no from Raph. And it’s surely not me because I have not agreed to any of this.”

“Dude,” Leo says, walking up to Donnie’s bed, “Donnie. Deedee. Donatello. My man-”

“Leo, do _not_ drag me into your antics.”

“ _Donnie_ ,” he whines, “We’re fifteen. We’re home alone. We have spicy water. We literally could get shitfaced and no one would know or care.”

“This is blatant peer pressure.”

“I’m not your peer, I’m your brother.”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

“ _Hrg_ ,” Leo groans, “ _Please_.”

Donnie looks at the bottle, then his twin, and to be fair javascript gets kind of boring after continually working on it for five hours so he gives in. “Ok,” he breathes out, “This is just because I don’t want you to get alcohol poisoning and die.”

Leo pumps his fist before grabbing the bottle, “ _Yes_ , oh my god this is gonna be so fun you have no idea.”

For some reason Donnie doubts that, but he lets Leo drag him by the wrist into the living room despite it.

* * *

“Ok so,” Leo explains, gesturing over their ensemble of snacks and water bottles laid out on the floor, “We have to do it at the same time.”

Donnie eyes the two I heart NY shot glasses they found in the junk drawer wearily. “This sounds like some kind of weird ritual shit.”

“Dude, it’s like our-” Leo pauses mid sentence, wondering how to continue, “Ascent into adulthood. Or something.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“Does it honestly matter?”

Donnie shrugs, picking up the glass. “Guess not.”

Leo picks up his glass as well. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” The two give each other a glance before downing the glass. It tastes exactly like what he’d imagine cheap alcohol would taste like, except it sears down his throat with such intensity that he’s immediately hacking. Leo seems to be doing the same, desperately reaching for one of the water bottles to wash down whatever the fuck they just drank. 

The last of Donnie’s coughs turn into sputters as he takes a deep breath in. “Leo,” he says, voice raw, “That tasted like actual ass.”

Leo finishes his water and throws the empty bottle across the room. “Yea,” he croaks, “This is the only time I’ll admit you're right.”

Donnie grabs up the remote and starts flicking through the channels. “For some reason I don’t feel anything yet,” Leo says because he is stupid.

“You’re actually so stupid,” Donnie states, because that is objective fact, “It takes about thirty minutes for your body to metabolize alcohol and for it to enter your blood stream.”

“Hm.”

“What? Do you think that people take one shot and instantly get wasted?”

“I dunno?? I’ve literally only seen movies and they get all funky after one sip.”

“That’s only in movies, stupid,” Donnie says, tossing a throw pillow at Leo.

“Well, _sorry_ , I have never been to a highschool party due to,” he makes a vague gesture, “This whole situation.”

For some reason Donnie finds himself snorting even though the joke wasn’t really funny at all. He stops flicking through the channels and lands on some shitty sitcom.

* * *

“Tom Ellis is so fucking hot,” Leo says, eyes glued to the screen.

Donnie pauses for a minute, studying his brother. “No. He’s British.”

“Are you implying British people can’t be hot?” Leo asks, clearly confused. 

“British people are so fucking ugly?” Donnie starts, distraught, “Their accents sound stupid.”

“Accents are hot you dipshit,” Leo takes another shot, “Also we’re literally from New York so we’re like in no place criticize accents.”

“Could you imagine dating a British person.”

“‘Ello luv woulda likea twiddle me oileuh?” Leo mocks, “Widdle me dinkle.”

They’re both silent for a moment. Staring at each other for a second because at this point Leo doesn’t even know what’s coming out of his mouth. Then Donnie bursts out with the most violent laughter Leo has ever heard and for some reason Leo is laughing too. Their laughter reaches a manic crescendo as Donnie gasps desperately for air. “You,” he gasps “are the dumbest piece of shit to ever walk this fucking planet.” There are physical tears in his eyes as he grasps his sides, “I can’t believe I’m fucking related to you. I hate your guts.”

Leo is laughing so hard that it hurts to even breathe, he tries to say something but all that comes out is a mix of manic giggles and coughs.

“How-” Donnie starts, “How the fuck do we even share the same DNA? Wh-what inclined-” he gasps for air instead of finishing. Both of them settle down as their breathing returns to normal.

“A bit sassie arench ya luv,” Leo says, breaking the silence. 

Donnie is laughing again because he actually wants to strangle his brother with his bare hands why is he so funny what the fuck. “I fucking-” he starts, “I hate you.” 

Leo snorts before getting up and attempting to walk around the room. Donnie watches as his brother struggles to maintain his balance. “Ddddonnie.”

“Hm.”

“I want a boyfriend like. So fucking bad. You don’t get it,” he’s still attempting to walk around the perimeter of their living room.

Donnie gets whiplash from the shift in conversation. “You'll get one.”

“We literally have like,” Leo starts counting on his fingers, “Threee? Friends. Yea three. And they’re all WOMEN.”

“Women.”

“Women.”

“Donnie, I’m literally going to die alone.”

“Leo,” Donnie starts, attempting to sound earnest, “Scientifically incorrect.”

“You have, like, no evidence.”

“Umm I said so?? And because I said so??”

Leo muses over that critical information for a moment. “I think we should call and ask Mikey.”

Donnie doesn’t know what clicks in his head, or if his head is even functioning, so he replies with “Yes.” He fumbles around, scanning the floor for wherever he left his phone before finding it under some trash. There’s a visual struggle to unlock it and open his contacts, before pressing on his brother’s number. Leo plops down next to Donnie as the phone rings on speaker.

It’s on the third ring that Mikey picks up with a, “Hey guys!”

“Hiiiiii, Mikey” Leo slurs, leaning over Donnie to speak into the phone, “Miss you so much.”

Donnie violently shoves Leo off before replying. “Hi, Mike, um. We were calling to like-” he pauses for a second, trying to remember, “I think we need to ask you something?”

“Uhhh- haha, yea” Leo giggles from the floor he was shoved on to, “I think I forgot-”

“Is everything alright?” Mikey asks, confused. They can hear April mumble something in the background.

“No, yea, everything 's good,” Donnie says as Leo says “Tom Ellis.”

“Ok guys, I uh-” Mikey pauses a minute, saying something to April they can’t really hear, “April says to not be stupid and drink water? I think I have to go, but love you.”

“Love you too,” they both say as Mikey promptly ends the call.

Donnie stares at Leo on the ground, who promptly stares back. They sit in silence before entering another fit of hysterics for no reason. 

* * *

It’s about midnight when there’s a noise from the hall as the two freeze in place.

They’re both slightly more coherent than an hour ago, but not even close to the point of fully functioning. “Is that Dad?” Leo, hisses.

Donnie pauses to listen to the footsteps. “Yea,” he whispers.

“Fuck.” They sit for a second, in absolute dread. “I’ll grab the shit and move it to my room, you handle Dad.”

“Leo, he’ll be able to tell,” Donnie pleads because they’re so fucked and this is all Leo’s fault.

“No he wont,” Leo lies, picking up the shot glasses and bottles before darting out of the room. 

Donnie stands up and attempts to clean the remaining trash on the floor as their father walks into the room. 

“Purple,” he says, staring at the mess.

“Dad.”

“And why are you awake?”

“Leo,” he states, before forgetting the rest of his sentence.

“Haha, is that my name,” says Leo, attempting to enter the room like a functional person.

“Yes,” Donnie says, “That is your name.”

Splinter looks between the two, as if that would give him any answers. It does not. Leo’s strained laugh echoes in the room followed by stale silence.

“Maybe you two should get to bed.”

“Yes!” Leo announces, pushing Donnie out of the room, “Great idea, goodnight, love you so much.”

Splinter watches as the two enter the hallway. He can hear Donatello whisper “I think he bought it,” all too loudly.

**Author's Note:**

> lowkey based off my experiences. ALSO!!! now with fanart!!
> 
> some doodles by baked bananers!!! go check them out their art is great!! [linked here](https://twitter.com/bakedbananners1/status/1324742361654665217?s=20)  
> also here's some of my own stuff, im more of an artist than a writer lol. [some doodles](https://twitter.com/uhgoose/status/1324579510931607552?s=20) and [messy comic](https://twitter.com/uhgoose/status/1324584834770022400?s=20)


End file.
